Why, Giada, why? How could you have done this to me? I didn't think it was possible. I never saw it coming. I am beside myself.
Giada, I think you lied to me.
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Okay, readers, on your behalf, I will back up. So I'm slooooooowly cooking my way through the Italian princess' debut cookbook (from 2005!). Right there, on the cover, it says "125 simple and delicious recipes." So I didn't think it would take me two years to get through 125 recipes. (I mean, Julie got through Julia's 400+ recipes in one year, but then again she had no life outside cooking poached eggs in gelatin.) But I've been counting down the recipes on this blog as I get closer to my goal. But I kind of lost track during one particularly long gap between recipes, so I started counting again. And then, to be sure, I counted the recipes I hadn't cooked yet. And it was not adding up. It wasn't making sense. I know I suck at math, but 125 isn't hard to add up to. It's not like 187. That number will kill you. Seriously, 187, what's your problem?
Anyway, I kept getting to 127. "127? 127! 127?" I was asking no one but the glossy pages in front of me, flipping them back and forth in desperation. "How? Why? When? Where? Who? Howzit? Whatzeday?" (Frenzied confusion = gibberish.) I knew there was a recipe for red wine vinaigrette buried in the lame "Everyday Leftovers" section, but even when I counted that it didn't work. So what other conclusion is there, except...?
Giada lied to me.
"So?" you may ask me. "Donny, there are other, more important things in this world right now," you might remind me. To which I say, nay, there are not. (That's right, you just got nayed.) It's the truth, and what's more important than the truth? "The truth shall set you free," right? Uh, no. The only thing it set free is my trust in the publishing world to advertise their products honestly and with integrity. Goodbye sweet, silly trust! And thanks, Clarkson Potter. It's like if Tyra Banks finally ripped off her wig, or Tim Gunn actually had 13 steps to style instead of 10 - you know your idol isn't perfect, but you just want to believe the shiny happy package TV presents to you.
Seriously, how hard would is it to say "Over 125 simple and delicious recipes"? One word could have made all the difference. Oh, and I now have to add two more dishes to my list of uncooked recipes. Just when I thought I was about to sauté my way out, they stir me back in.
Luckily, October in Chicago is finally acting like October and not August. (Seriously, October, what's your problem?) So it's perfect weather for turning on my oven, which I need to do for many of the recipes, including Roast Pork with Fig Sauce, Baked Rigatoni and two different lasagnas. Dessert, unsurprisingly, was the first chapter completely finished, and with one left each in Appetizers and Vegetables, those are almost behind me as well.
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Still, Giada, you and I have some issues now. I don't know what you can do to make this up. I thought we had something together, you know? No matter how fleeting or fragile, it was there. And now, that bond has snapped like an overcooked spaghetti noodle. You better hope your Easy Osso Buco makes up for your big, fat, toothy lies.
Oh, Giada, Giada...
Also check out: Giada 3.0.
And: Like an After-School Special, With Liquor.
Giada, I think you lied to me.
Okay, readers, on your behalf, I will back up. So I'm slooooooowly cooking my way through the Italian princess' debut cookbook (from 2005!). Right there, on the cover, it says "125 simple and delicious recipes." So I didn't think it would take me two years to get through 125 recipes. (I mean, Julie got through Julia's 400+ recipes in one year, but then again she had no life outside cooking poached eggs in gelatin.) But I've been counting down the recipes on this blog as I get closer to my goal. But I kind of lost track during one particularly long gap between recipes, so I started counting again. And then, to be sure, I counted the recipes I hadn't cooked yet. And it was not adding up. It wasn't making sense. I know I suck at math, but 125 isn't hard to add up to. It's not like 187. That number will kill you. Seriously, 187, what's your problem?Anyway, I kept getting to 127. "127? 127! 127?" I was asking no one but the glossy pages in front of me, flipping them back and forth in desperation. "How? Why? When? Where? Who? Howzit? Whatzeday?" (Frenzied confusion = gibberish.) I knew there was a recipe for red wine vinaigrette buried in the lame "Everyday Leftovers" section, but even when I counted that it didn't work. So what other conclusion is there, except...?
Giada lied to me.
"So?" you may ask me. "Donny, there are other, more important things in this world right now," you might remind me. To which I say, nay, there are not. (That's right, you just got nayed.) It's the truth, and what's more important than the truth? "The truth shall set you free," right? Uh, no. The only thing it set free is my trust in the publishing world to advertise their products honestly and with integrity. Goodbye sweet, silly trust! And thanks, Clarkson Potter. It's like if Tyra Banks finally ripped off her wig, or Tim Gunn actually had 13 steps to style instead of 10 - you know your idol isn't perfect, but you just want to believe the shiny happy package TV presents to you.
Seriously, how hard would is it to say "Over 125 simple and delicious recipes"? One word could have made all the difference. Oh, and I now have to add two more dishes to my list of uncooked recipes. Just when I thought I was about to sauté my way out, they stir me back in.
Luckily, October in Chicago is finally acting like October and not August. (Seriously, October, what's your problem?) So it's perfect weather for turning on my oven, which I need to do for many of the recipes, including Roast Pork with Fig Sauce, Baked Rigatoni and two different lasagnas. Dessert, unsurprisingly, was the first chapter completely finished, and with one left each in Appetizers and Vegetables, those are almost behind me as well.
Still, Giada, you and I have some issues now. I don't know what you can do to make this up. I thought we had something together, you know? No matter how fleeting or fragile, it was there. And now, that bond has snapped like an overcooked spaghetti noodle. You better hope your Easy Osso Buco makes up for your big, fat, toothy lies.Oh, Giada, Giada...
Also check out: Giada 3.0.
And: Like an After-School Special, With Liquor.